Body Image and Self Esteem: what is UP with girl on girl hate?

Hey gals!

Today, I’m doing a slightly different post to our usual fashion and beauty blogging; I’m planning on having a little rant and ponder. It’s not something that Claire and I usually get involved in (unless it’s when we argue about whether she likes metallic nail varnish or not…) but this is something I feel is close to my bosom and something that I feel must roam free.

So, body image, body confidence and self esteem…

I’m pretty sure ALL of us have had fat days and days where nothing seems to go right in the hair and makeup department. There are definitely days when I think ‘UGH, why does everything in my wardrobe make me look like an escaped circus elephant’. Sometimes it lasts just a day but I know there are lots of girls that suffer from long term low self esteem. I’m definitely not out to belittle that at all in this post – whether your body or self confidence issues are caused by pressure from the media, an abusive relationship or something equally as serious, low self esteem can be crippling and it’s not something to take lightly.

What I am out to have a little rant about is girls attacking each other for the way they look. Recently, a friend of mine said something along the lines of ‘I am SICK of seeing skinny girls, they piss me off’. At the time I didn’t say anything but it really got me thinking – why is it ok for us to hate someone for the way that they look just because we’re unhappy with the way that we look? I really don’t think that kind of attitude is helpful to anyone, especially not ourselves. Nobody likes a bitter person and putting other people down for the way they look is not going to make you feel ANY better about yourself in the long run.

What I’ve noticed a lot recently is hate towards slim girls especially. There’s the whole ‘real women have curves’ thing which is just silly; slim girls are not lesser people because they’re skinnier! And on the flip side, if you feel unhappy about your weight or are a bit overweight, it doesn’t make you less of a person either. It’s all about the way you present yourself and to be honest, weight or your looks don’t really come into it that much. People respond positively to a girl who is friendly, outgoing and just generally nice. Even the most beautiful person can have no mates if she treats people like shit (pardon)

Nobody is paying THAT much attention to you…

I’m a size 12 and the grand height of 5ft, so I am definitely not the slimmest gal in the erm…pot of girls?! I used to feel quite self conscious about what I looked like and for a long time, I refused to even go out anywhere with bare legs (it made for very hot summers, I assure you). I used to get massively green with envy on holiday when I saw girls with perfectly toned bikini bodies but at the end of the day I had to realise…no one cares about me that much. By which I mean, while I’m sat there on my sun lounger thinking everyone is staring at my pasty flab, everyone else is far more interested in their daiquiris and whether or not they remembered to put sun cream on their backs.

Do what makes you feel happy…

I’m a firm believer that self confidence comes from within. Remembering that you have friends who like you for you is a big part of this – they obviously like you for a reason so why shouldn’t you like you for a reason too? There’s nothing wrong with looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking ‘well, I have quite nice eyes and my hair is actually quite great’. It’s not about having an ego, it’s just about building yourself up a bit!

Saying that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things to your appearance to make you feel comfortable and happy. Having good self esteem doesn’t mean you have to skip around in an anorak with unbrushed hair and no makeup (but if you want to do that, then go right ahead). If clipping in some hair extensions, slathering your face in makeup and wearing a pair of heels makes you feel confident, then you should just do it. I’ve had some people judge me in the past for the amount of makeup I wear or because I wear fake tan but to them I say WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHAT I CAN AND CAN’T DO. I like the way I look with makeup and tan; it doesn’t mean I’m hiding behind a mask of St Moriz and Rimmel – it’s just what makes me feel comfortable.

I also think that if you truly are unhappy with the way you look, then do something about it. Just going to the gym regularly and eating a bit more fruit and veg can do wonders for how you look and feel. Cake is brilliant and I will always happily destroy a tub of ice cream, but nothing gives you a boost like feeling healthy. 🙂

Us gals have got to stick together…

We have GOT to stop being bitchy to each other about the way we look. At the risk of sounding like a hippy, we should all spread the love a bit more. That’s something I love about blogging especially, us bloggers are quick to let each other know if an outfit looks great or if someone is looking spiffing. That’s something I wish happened in real life a bit more. These days, instead of being envious of a girl, I try and think ‘wow, she’s got a great figure. Fair play to her, inspiration’. Let’s face it, we have to deal with so much on a daily basis – lets not fight each other too!


13 Responses

  1. vickie August 6, 2013 / 8:51 pm

    Loved this post!
    It’s so amazing that you guys are doing post’s such as this to raise awareness. It’s important for people to be reminded of these things as I know for one that there’s days when I let such issues affect me.
    Congrats on such a brilliant post! (that sounded less condisending in my head!)

    • Lauren August 6, 2013 / 8:57 pm

      THANK YOU LOVELY VICKIE. You are one of our favey bloggers and you are not condescending at all 😉 xxx

  2. Nin August 6, 2013 / 9:26 pm

    I’m intending on writing a post soon about my hatred of the ‘real women have curves’ and skinny-girl hate. I’m a fitness blogger, and I could agree with you more. Real women respect their body; whether that means being aware and changing your lifestyle, being super fit, or loving where you’re at no matter what it is. I’m quite slim, 5ft7 and a size 6/8 but am also naturally curvy, and often feel damned if I do/don’t situation, as I’m not the typical non-curvy fitness-freak shape, and slim, so apparently not a ‘real woman’. People need to chill out, be more respectful, and more encouraging. (: xx

    Also, would love a follow if you get a mo! :3

    – Nin xx

    • Lauren August 7, 2013 / 8:14 am

      I’m looking forward to reading your post! 🙂 Yeah I think it’s a bit rude to girls who work hard at the gym or are naturally skinny – it’s just about being happy with yourself and not putting other people down to make you feel better at the end of the day! xxx

  3. Nicola August 6, 2013 / 11:01 pm

    Lovely post Lauren and I totally agree with you – especially on the make up/tan 🙂
    Nic xx

    • Lauren August 7, 2013 / 8:12 am

      Thanks Nic! 🙂 Yeah I hate it when people are snotty about makeup/tan, there’s no need at all! xx

  4. I Am Into This August 7, 2013 / 8:25 am

    This is an absolutely fantastic post and one which I’ve been wanting to write about for a while now!

    The term “real women” really angers me, especially when used as a derogatory term towards slim women. All women are real, whether they are fat, thin, slim, curvy, tall or short. Just because a woman is more athletic doesn’t mean she has fairy wings or unicorn horns sprouting from her head!

    I think that unfortunately the problem runs very deeply. Women are almost programmed to hate on others now and it is awful – we should be supporting each other and learning to love ourselves!

    I am a fitness freak and something someone said to me the other day really shocked me. She said, “if you didn’t work hard for your body, I wouldn’t be able to talk to you.” I laughed, thinking she was joking, but no – she was deadly serious. The girl refuses to talk to naturally slim women!

    Until we can learn to love ourselves, we are always going to hate on others. So let’s start at the bottom and embrace what we have!

    Sisterhood, here we come…

    • Lauren August 9, 2013 / 3:08 pm

      Yeah it definitely is ingrained – I think it’s a bit evolutiony (clearly a scientific term) to do with competing with other women for men BUT it doesn’t need to be.

      This is now my life mantra: I might get run over by a bus tomorrow and if I do, do I want people to remember me for being a bitter and jealous person who hated herself or someone that had fun, was confident and was lovely to people? I AM GOING TO GO WITH THE LATTER.

  5. Joelle August 7, 2013 / 12:21 pm

    Great post! I had such low self-esteem at secondary school a few year’s back because I was a size 12 and most of my friends were 6-8. I was so jealous and bitter and it almost ruined my relatively nice personality!
    These days, I can’t stand the hate slimmer girls get. It’s mainly genes and metabolism that keeps them slim and they too are real women, even if they don’t have curves!
    Women are pressurised by men, the media and now scrutinised for posting pics on the internet these days, which is so sad!
    Us girls really do have to stick together and not turn on each other on the stupidest of things!
    Great post!

    • Lauren August 9, 2013 / 3:05 pm

      Totally agree!
      I would also say that not having an obsession with your weight is a good way of changing men’s perspectives (if only one man at a time) on women’s bodies! There are obviously always going to be horrible guys who make comments, but I think confidence and having a fun personality is something that a lot of guys prefer – regardless of what you look like. I have this theory that you can make yourself appear more attractive by being an attractive person inside, and it has been proved time and time again that this is true! Believing that you are brilliant will make other people think you are brilliant too 🙂 (I dont know if ANY of this is making sense, word ramblings…)


  6. Holly August 7, 2013 / 5:39 pm

    This sort of post needs to be read by far more girlies…on a far more regular basis! Fab, fab post. Now following 🙂 Cannot get over to you how much I LOVE this! <3

    • Lauren August 9, 2013 / 3:08 pm

      Thank you so much Holly! This means a lot xxxxx

  7. Lauren August 7, 2013 / 8:31 pm

    Great post Laura, you’re so right! I hate all that real girls crap like you have to have big boobs and ass to be a woman, so stupid.


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