Before you all shout ‘WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT LAUREN, BRIDGET JONES IS 10 ZILLION YEARS AGO, YOU ARE BORING’, I say to you: shut up, I am very busy and important.
I realised again yesterday that Bridget Jones is possibly my favourite film ever. I’m not a big film watcher, because I don’t feel like I can commit to a full 2 hours of watching something (God help the man who decides to marry me). But Bridget is something I watch about once a month, and I will never AND I SAY NEVER tire of the brilliant woman (apart from Mad About The Boy, that was just upsetting). So, I have decided to put together a little post about the things we learned from good old BJ – because let’s face it, there are many.
1. Only Strippers and Victoria’s Secret Models Can Get Away With Pole Dancing
Haters can hate, but the whole pole fit phenom has separated the graceful girls from the horrific uncoordinated lunatics like myself. Yes, we might think that having a go on the pole will instantly make us look sexy and wicked, but no. Somehow, it makes us look even more tragic than we already are. Remember Bridget’s fireman’s pole incident? That is what we look like.
And don’t even try to upload pics to Facebook balancing about a foot off the ground with a pole mushed between your thighs, because people will laugh at you and think ‘what an absolute bell’.
2. Sexy Pyjamas Are Stupid
It’s all very well wearing a little nightie and walzting around looking fierce, but I think that Bridget has taught us a valuable lesson in pyjama wearing – i.e. matching flannels with penguins on are approximately 40 times better. But why, you ask? Well firstly, there are a lot of logistical problems when wearing nighties. For example, how on earth are you supposed to down shots of vodka? You might end up with some spillage issues, which could have been nicely soaked up by your flannels. Secondly, a nice pair of flannels allows for more movement when you’re dancing around your flat to ‘All By Myself’ – that’s something that a nightie just couldn’t offer. And of course, thirdly, your flannels will offer an extra layer of protection when you get eaten by Alsations.
3. Hair Rollers Are Somewhat Baffling
Right, as a bit of a beauty blogger, this is a bit shameful to admit. I like hair rollers, and I’m currently having a MAJOR love affair with my Sleep In Rollers but I never manage to get them quite right. All that rolling and clipping is hard for heaven’s sake, and don’t even get me started on the back of the head problem. The curls and volume I get are fine, but nothing on the K-Middy level of boucibility. Bridget knows.
4. Stalking Your Boyfriend Will Get You A Mini Break
Yes, everyone goes on about how you should trust your boyfriend and all that nonsense but Bridget has proven that stalking your boyfriend not only lets you find out whether or not the long legged lady friend he has is a lesbian, but also will basically definitely get you a skiing mini break. So, if we take Bridget’s advice, we need to clamber around our boyfriends’ houses, get some leaves stuck in our hair (so he can shake his head in amusement before he snogs you) and possibly try and get up a tree if we can. Once we’ve done that, he will say ‘You are mad, but do you want to come to France and ski?’ and you will say ‘Yes, that sounds marv’. Job done.
5. Being An Idiot Is Not Too Bad
For those who know me, I am an absolute walking failure at life. Whether its getting common phrases wrong (e.g. ‘stop twisting my leg’) to continually walking into things, I am more than a little bit silly. I try to hide it by not opening my mouth too much, but its pretty much unavoidable the majority of the time. But thanks to our dear friend and colleague Bridget Jones, I am convinced that being a ridiculous human isn’t too bad – and in fact, will get me a job on telly and I might also get a free sky dive out of it. Huzzah.
All that’s left to say really is, thank you Bridget. You are the light of our lives.