Life Tips from Miley Cyrus

Good morning to you, her maj and this fine country we call the Kingdom of Great Britain.

You may have read a post I wrote a while ago entitled ‘Life Tips from Amanda Bynes‘. I felt (and continue to feel deeply) that we can learn a lot from Amanda and by following her lead, we can achieve fulfilled (if slightly set-yourself-on-firey) lives. Unfortunately my life coach and all round favourite top gal has now been sectioned, so I have been forced to find a new leading lady to learn from. And who else but Miley Cyrus to fill the horrible Amanda shaped void in my life?

I’m sure we can all say that Miley is a girl that has had a huge impact in all of our lives. Just yesterday I found myself asking a friend, ‘do you remember where you were when you first heard ‘Party in the USA’? To which they said, ‘no, you are a fool. Go and buy me some crisps’. Nevertheless, Miley’s botty got it’s own hashtag after the VMAs and I firmly believe that she is the reason pretty much everyone knows what ‘twerk’ means these days. But what else can we learn from our Miley?

Have love for the ugly things.

Miley has shown us that judging a book by its cover is wrong. We need to remember to show love for the uglier or less attractive things, just like she did in her ‘Wrecking Ball’ video. Who knows for how many years that wrecking ball was waiting for a naked hug? Who knows how many nights it spent crying because nobody loved it? Treat everything like you would like to be treated yourself and you are guaranteed to be happy in life. In fact, go a step further and whip your clothes off to hug people and/or things. Studies have shown that naked hugs are far more beneficial than ordinary clothed hugs. If there are no wrecking balls handy, just take a look around your town. There are bound to be many found objects that you could show love to – perhaps an old plant pot or a neglected bench.

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ay_118297197(Giraffes aren’t ugly FYI, this is just funny)

Short hair, don’t care.

I have to say, I’ve never personally been a fan of short hair. I have quite a round face and short hair would make me look vaguely like a potato in a David Bowie wig. I’ve also always felt that short hair is a bit boring – there is very little you can actually do with a cropped ‘do. HOW WRONG I WAS. Thank goodness I have Miley to show me the way. I think what she has really shown me is that all you need are a few tiny bobbles and a lot of hairspray to look like a twit hot homegirl with short hair. She is such a trend setter <3. I’m attacking my head with scissors as we speak, so keep your eyes peeled for my ‘DIY Miley Haircut’ post.

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People will take you seriously if you talk rubbish.

I’m going to put my hands up in honesty right here and right now. At first, I thought Miley was a rat in Doc Martens. But as time has progressed, I feel like I’ve really got to know the real Miley. And let me tell you, she is deep and thoroughly intelligent. Did any of you guys read her interview about the ‘Wrecking Ball’ vid? You can read it here, but she basically said this:

‘If you look in my eyes I look more sad than actually my voice sounds on the record. It was a lot harder to do the video than it was to even record the song. It was much more of an emotional experience.”

‘If people can take their minds off the obvious and go into their imagination a little bit and see kind of what the video really means and the way that it is so vulnerable.’

Wow. I mean genuinely wow. I really get what she means…’Wrecking Ball’ is not only art but it is such a wonderful expression of attention seeking vulnerability and emotion. This is definitely a life lesson to be learned. If you waffle on about things that don’t really make sense but sound impressive, people will 100% believe in what you say. It’s one that can easily be transferred into your daily working life, especially when you use fancy employment terms that no one really knows what they mean (e.g. “ah yes, let’s get those kpis actioned by close of play tomorrow so we can determine usps, logistics and WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”).

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These are just a few life lessons to be learned from Miley. In fact, we could all probably learn many more (like how thigh high boots and hotpants are a classy daytime look or how nude underwear doesn’t make you look about 80 years old), but we will leave it at that for now.

Let’s all remember though…when in doubt, ask What Would Miley Do (WWMD). If it doesn’t involve foam fingers, sticking your tongue out, twerking or getting nakey, then you are probably doing the wrong thing.

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All images sourced from Google!

Life Tips from Amanda Bynes.

We all fondly remember the girl in ‘The Amanda Show’ and ‘What I Like About You’ (though I think ‘The Amanda Show’ should have been a bit of an indication that she is in fact somewhat cray. It wasn’t ok.). Thinking back to my childhood years, she actually played quite a big part of my TV watching schedule. Claire and I were discussing this and even her recent films have been quite great, ‘Easy A’ was genuinely brilliant and nothing more needs to be said about ‘She’s The Man’.

Unless you’ve been living under a horrible, dark and lonely rock for the past year or so, you will be aware of our new form of Amanda Bynes entertainment. Amanda Bynes’ twitter account is literally gold dust. If you’re feeling sad? Go on Amanda Bynes’ twitter. The man got you down? Go on Amanda Bynes’ twitter. Hangover depression got you in a spiraling tornado of guilt and sorrow? Go on Amanda Bynes’ twitter. Basically, my answer to everyone’s woes at the moment is to hop on everyone’s favourite microblogging site and scroll back through hours of comedy gold, selflessly provided by Amanda herself.

What I have actually realised is that Amanda is something of a life coach. There is many a day where I find myself annoying Claire with unavoidable life questions. There’s only so many times she can hear ‘DOES THIS BOY LIKE ME’, ‘IS MY FACE TOO ORANGE’ and ‘I JUST WATCHED BLACK MIRROR AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT LIFE MEANS ANYMORE’ in one day. The poor girl would go even madder than she already is. With that in mind, I had to find someone else to counsel me in my times of trouble and that person has turned out to be Amanda Bynes.

Amanda on relationships:

Don’t bother playing hard to get:

At the end of the day, Amanda has shown us that if you like someone, it’s better to let your feelings flow. Going in for the kill and letting them know how you feel is a good way of showing them that you really care.

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This is a great example. What is the point in fannying around playing coy and sneaky when you can just tell your intended beau that you love him? Granted, it might scare him off but who wants a boy that gets frightened that easily anyway?

If the man of your dreams rejects you, this isn’t the time to save face. It’s better to let it all out and get those feelings out there. Bottling emotions up inside can lead to a bigger breakdown later along the line, so wear your heart on your sleeve. If it makes you feel better, insult the man you used to love – it can get rid of that pent up aggression.

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 Know what you want out of a man:

It’s safe to say that most of us are looking to eventually get married and find ‘the one’. It’s a tough dating world out there and these days, it’s becoming more and more difficult to find that perfect person to settle down with. To make the situation easier, Amanda has shown us that you should make a list of what you do/don’t want in a relationship. This really helps to narrow down the pool of potential suitors.

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 Helpful, right?

It’s worth letting your man know you’re in demand:

It’s a sad fact of life that our relationships are influenced by the people around us. For example: that boy down the road that you thought was a loser actually has millions of women after him. Suddenly he doesn’t seem like such a snore. Suddenly you question your judgement. Is he actually fit? Are his khaki crocs in fact endearing rather than repulsive?

By letting your potential suitors know that you are a man-magnet, you are effectively showing him that you are something worth having. It’s quite difficult to do this subtly, so think about taking Amanda’s approach.

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It’s forward but ticks the right boxes – it’s all about showing you’re unavailable. We all want what we can’t have, right?

Amanda on beauty:

Exercise is important:

We all know that exercise is important for our health and this is something that Amanda often champions on her twitter account. She is an avid gym-goer, so it may be worth taking a leaf out of her book if you’re looking to get into shape.

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Screen Shot 2013-07-02 at 13.25.23But it’s worth remembering that you can’t expect results straight away.

Screen Shot 2013-07-02 at 13.26.50If you feel like you need a change of exercise routine, why not take up a unique sport or activity?

Screen Shot 2013-07-02 at 13.28.10But don’t worry if people hate on you for it, they’re just jealous.

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Physical attractiveness is important:

While personality is important, lets all be honest and admit that physical attractiveness plays a big role in society. There’s a reason why we all dedicate so much time and money on makeup, haircare, the gym and other efforts to improve our appearance. It doesn’t mean we’re shallow, it’s probably just an ingrained mating instinct to create the best children possible (science, isn’t it great). Amanda might take aesthetics a little bit too seriously but she does emphasise the importance of taking care of your physical appearance. If Amanda doesn’t care, then who on this green earth would?!

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Amanda on haters:

Lawyers are there for a reason:

Why do lawyers bother going to university for aeons, having boring lives and wear terrible suits all the time? Probably because they earn lots of money from people like Amanda. At the end of the day, they’re there for a reason and if someone is mean to you, the best thing to do is sue them for defamation. No one likes having stories made up about you, especially if they’re not true. The best way to react is badly. We’ll have none of this ‘be the better person’ or ‘the best way to defeat a bully is to ignore them’ nonsense. Get right in there with a lawsuit and show them that you mean business.

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For more Amanda Bynes gold dust, follow her on Twitter @AmandaBynes. It’s guaranteed to make your life infinitely better and you might just learn something along the way. I don’t think it would be exaggerating to say that she has changed mine and Claire’s life for the better – there are days when we look at each other and think ‘WWABD’. She dishes out the life tips willy nilly and they simply can’t be ignored.

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