Good evening one and all! It’s been a while since I wrote a dating/relationshippy post, mainly because I spent a lot of time eschewing men in favour of more enriching hobbies such as googling puppies and picking bits of fluff off my slippers. However, after recently dipping my toe back in the dating pond (spoiler alert: it’s still not safe to get back in the water, they’re all still fucking mad), I decided it was time to share more of my er, wisdom with you all. Whether you’re in the early stages of Tinder dating or have been seeing someone for a while and are still not sure where it’s headed, here are some of the dating warning signs to look out for…
When he wants everything to move too quickly.
I don’t mean this in a Bliss magazine style ‘only let him in your knickers when YOU’RE ready’ way (though, obviously); instead I’m referring to when you can just tell that he is one eager beaver to be in a relationship. I think this is a stereotype that girls get lumped with more often than men, but in my experience there are plenty of lads out there who are just desperate to wifey someone up and, frankly, it doesn’t matter too much who it is.
Warning signs will include planning second dates before you’ve even gone on your first, referencing your future together (sorry, what do you mean when we go to London? We haven’t even been to Nandos yet) and being in a bit of a rush for you to meet his mates or – worse – his mum. Some people may find this sort of behaviour sweet, but I find that it indicates a bit of a Needy Nigel. Run, Forrest.
On the other end of the scale, there are the ones who clearly have no intention of ever moving towards a relationship with you. Maybe you’ve been texting for approximately 2 and a half years without ever actually making it on that date he always hints at, or maybe you’ve actually been dating for a long time but he shows no interest in ever meeting your friends, acknowledging your existence on social media or in any way going official with you. I’ve been in both of these situations before, and let me give you a little spoiler: IT MEANT THEY DIDN’T REALLY LIKE ME. Stop being blinded by those occasional rays of attention they shine on you and move on, sistah.
When he’s very bitter about a past relationship or women in general.
Let’s face it, we’ve all been hurt and for a while it can make you a bit cynical and, for want of a better word, stabby. Most of us do move on from this extreme hating/distrusting phase though, so beware the man who still seems a bit messed up by it all. Tinder bios that read anything along the lines of ‘just on here to see if there’s a girl who’s not like all the rest’ should be given a very wide berth, as should any men who get overly aggy mentioning an ex.
I once went out with someone who got really bitter about paying for the Dominoes because “I’m sick of girls using me for my money”. Calm down Dan Bilzerian, you drive a clapped out Fiesta and live at your mum’s – perhaps there are some deeper issues, hmmmm?
When he uses you as a complaints line.
It’s a well known fact that in the early stages of talking to someone or even dating, you have to present a more agreeable version of yourself and your life. Yes this might involve a pinch of dishonesty, but it’s just the rule that you have to be upbeat and generally come across as positive and interesting. You should be weary then of someone who starts oversharing news of their SHITTY day, their PATHETIC boss and their WASTE OF TIME mates too early on. This person doesn’t need a relationship; they need a therapist. Or a diary. Or a penpal in prison. Get too involved with them and you’ll be bogged down with permanently trying to cheer them up and having to listen to their crap all day. Don’t be anyone’s outlet.
There are some justifiable reasons that a lad may still need to be in regular contact with his ex, such as if they have kids together or are maybe in the same friendship group. However, if it becomes obvious early on that they still keep in touch for any casual reason then it may be a bit of a red flag. For example, I recently went on a first date with a lad who said he didn’t have a car. When it came to him asking me on the second date though, he offered to pick me up because actually he sort of shared his old car with his ex. Er sorry, pardon me? You want to take me out in your ex’s Fiat 500? So she can pick my hair off the seat afterwards and use it to make a voodoo doll of me? Not likely, my friend, not likely.
If you’ve enjoyed my dating tips (also known as mini-stories of my dating disasters) then you might also like my post 3 Rules for the Early Stages of Dating or some articles I have written for Scouse Bird Problems such as The 10 Commandments of Dating in 2015 and How To Tell A Girl’s Been Dumped, Via Her Social Media.
And as always, let me know your own warning signs in the comments box below!