It’s been a while since I have royally slagged something off. I think I can blame my recent rants about pretty much everything on the fact I’ve not had a proper complain here on Stylingo.
Thankfully, I can finally come to some sort of rant closure and finally I have something to properly complain about. And that something is bloody Rimmel Scandaleyes Rockin’ Curves mascara. In fact, it’s not just complaining. It’s full on hatred.
This is without a doubt the worst thing I have put on my face, even worse than that time I thought mixing yoghurt and porridge oats would be a pleasant face mask experience. Since my love of lists is almost as much as my love of complaining, here is my beef in list form.
- What in god’s good name is the brush about? It’s literally the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Why would you make a curly wand like this? WHY. It means that at any one time, you can only get a few of your lashes. It means that your hand flaps about because you don’t know what’s going on. It basically means that whoever designed this temporarily lost their minds and/or should be sacked.
- I was promised curves. Where are they? My eyelashes look like a big ball of utter wank (pardon). They look like tiny stubby midgets balancing on my eyelids. What they don’t look like is rockin’, or curvy.
- Why is my face crumbling like pastry? I have never experienced a mascara that crumbles like this. By the end of the day, it looks like I have been down t’pit. It is also extremely annoying and slightly uncomfortable when it flakes off and falls into your eyeballs. No, Rimmel. No.
- Why is the packaging so embarrassing? I’m sorry, but snakeskin and a pitiful attempt at a ‘cool’ logo makes me want to throw up. It also makes me wonder why I bought it in the first place, I must have felt some kind of 3 for 2 Boots pressure and temporarily lost it.
- Why have you given me eyeball disease? I can’t rightly blame this on the mascara, but I have a sore eyeball now and I strongly suspect it is because this pathetic excuse for a mascara has been flaking all over the place and making me touch my eyes more than I usually would. Owwy.
So anyway. The only positive I can give Rimmel Scandaleyes Rockin’ Curves is that it makes my blonde eyelashes black and therefore makes me look like less of an albino. That is all.
Don’t bother buying this girls, it will be the most upsetting thing you ever do.