Things We Learned From Bridget Jones

Before you all shout ‘WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT LAUREN, BRIDGET JONES IS 10 ZILLION YEARS AGO, YOU ARE BORING’, I say to you: shut up, I am very busy and important.

I realised again yesterday that Bridget Jones is possibly my favourite film ever. I’m not a big film watcher, because I don’t feel like I can commit to a full 2 hours of watching something (God help the man who decides to marry me). But Bridget is something I watch about once a month, and I will never AND I SAY NEVER tire of the brilliant woman (apart from Mad About The Boy, that was just upsetting). So, I have decided to put together a little post about the things we learned from good old BJ – because let’s face it, there are many.

1. Only Strippers and Victoria’s Secret Models Can Get Away With Pole Dancing

Haters can hate, but the whole pole fit phenom has separated the graceful girls from the horrific uncoordinated lunatics like myself. Yes, we might think that having a go on the pole will instantly make us look sexy and wicked, but no. Somehow, it makes us look even more tragic than we already are. Remember Bridget’s fireman’s pole incident? That is what we look like.

Bridget Jones Fireman's Pole

And don’t even try to upload pics to Facebook balancing about a foot off the ground with a pole mushed between your thighs, because people will laugh at you and think ‘what an absolute bell’.

2. Sexy Pyjamas Are Stupid

It’s all very well wearing a little nightie and walzting around looking fierce, but I think that Bridget has taught us a valuable lesson in pyjama wearing – i.e. matching flannels with penguins on are approximately 40 times better. But why, you ask? Well firstly, there are a lot of logistical problems when wearing nighties. For example, how on earth are you supposed to down shots of vodka? You might end up with some spillage issues, which could have been nicely soaked up by your flannels. Secondly, a nice pair of flannels allows for more movement when you’re dancing around your flat to ‘All By Myself’ – that’s something that a nightie just couldn’t offer. And of course, thirdly, your flannels will offer an extra layer of protection when you get eaten by Alsations.

All By Myself Bridget Jones


3. Hair Rollers Are Somewhat Baffling

Right, as a bit of a beauty blogger, this is a bit shameful to admit. I like hair rollers, and I’m currently having a MAJOR love affair with my Sleep In Rollers but I never manage to get them quite right. All that rolling and clipping is hard for heaven’s sake, and don’t even get me started on the back of the head problem. The curls and volume I get are fine, but nothing on the K-Middy level of boucibility. Bridget knows.


4. Stalking Your Boyfriend Will Get You A Mini Break

Yes, everyone goes on about how you should trust your boyfriend and all that nonsense but Bridget has proven that stalking your boyfriend not only lets you find out whether or not the long legged lady friend he has is a lesbian, but also will basically definitely get you a skiing mini break. So, if we take Bridget’s advice, we need to clamber around our boyfriends’ houses, get some leaves stuck in our hair (so he can shake his head in amusement before he snogs you) and possibly try and get up a tree if we can. Once we’ve done that, he will say ‘You are mad, but do you want to come to France and ski?’ and you will say ‘Yes, that sounds marv’. Job done.

Bridget House

5. Being An Idiot Is Not Too Bad

For those who know me, I am an absolute walking failure at life. Whether its getting common phrases wrong (e.g. ‘stop twisting my leg’) to continually walking into things, I am more than a little bit silly. I try to hide it by not opening my mouth too much, but its pretty much unavoidable the majority of the time. But thanks to our dear friend and colleague Bridget Jones, I am convinced that being a ridiculous human isn’t too bad – and in fact, will get me a job on telly and I might also get a free sky dive out of it. Huzzah.


All that’s left to say really is, thank you Bridget. You are the light of our lives.


#TheStruggle: 10 Terrible Things That Happen To Women

So. Without belittling genuinely terrible things that happen to women around the world everyday, there are a number of horrible, NAY DISTRESSING, everyday things that happen to us lady humans. These are things that are rarely experienced by our male counterparts, and they are definitely more upsetting than when the Spice Girls broke up or even when Brit shaved her hair off (albeit barely).

Sometimes it can be hard to know what to do in these situations. In fact, it can be downright soul crushing. Whether it’s embarrassment, horror or just plain discomfort, Common Lady Problems (CLP) are a grief that many of us have to deal with on a regular basis. But what are these terrible things and more importantly, how can we avoid them – and ultimately avoid looking like raging lunatics? In no particular order, here’s what and how.

1. Applying too much hair oil


I’m sure this has happened to every girl at some point. In fact, it happened to me just this morning. I thought to myself ‘yeah, it’s hair oil day’ and BAM. I put too much in, and now I look like Severus Snape. This also goes for not washing conditioner out properly in the shower.

How to avoid: Unless you are a girl who gets up at a normal time and can afford to re-wash your hair, you’re going to have to deal with the situation pronto. One option is to wear your hair in a tight bun while pretending it is raining outside. Another option is to douse your hair in dry shampoo. This actually works quite well and you will look relatively normal until you have time to wash your hair properly.

2. Clocking someone in the same dress

Family guy You must change

No matter how much of a nice person you are, seeing someone in the same dress as you is mortifying. Yes, you could do the bigger person thing of ‘hahahah haven’t we both got great style?!’, but inside you are likely to die a little bit/a lot. Unless you know the girl in question, you can’t really demand they leave and get changed. With this in mind, there are a few options available to you.

How to avoid: Sit scrunched up in your chair and cover your body with your handbag until the girl leaves. Alternatively, never buy clothes from the high street but if you do, make sure your customise with rhinestones. Failing that, just don’t go out anywhere.

3. Tripping over in public


For some reason, girls trip over in public more than boys do. And while tripping over after 20 jagerbombs is a bit more acceptable, falling on your face in daylight hours/completely sober is not. I mostly blame our tripping over tendencies on the fact we wear complicated clothing like maxi skirts and flatforms, which are definitely tricky things to navigate. And when you do trip over (it will happen one day), the best course of action is to grab the nearest person and laugh hysterically until they laugh with you to make it all ok.

How to avoid: Don’t leave the house.

4. Sneezing after applying mascara


This is one of my personal life troubles. Whether you are a hayfever sufferer, ill-time your perfume spraying or just having ticklish eyelids (errr…just me?), sneezing after doing your mascara is THE WORST THING EVER. If I have spent a load of time getting the rest of my face right, faffing about blending things and dabbing at stuff, the last thing I want to happen is a god damn sneeze to ruin it all. And it does ruin it all. Panda eyes, having to do strategic wiping and absolutely ruined eye makeup are just a few of what we have to deal with. Three words: not cool, nose.

How to avoid: Don’t look at bright lights, don’t spray perfume just after you have done your mascara and, please for the love of Pete, take your antihistamines.

5. Orange Face, white body (and vice versa)


For the fake tanners amongst us, this is a very real concern. Getting your face and body the same colour is surprisingly difficult and there has been many a night where I thought I looked bangin’, and it turns out I looked like a white faced ghost poo body.

How to avoid: Get a foundation that matches your tanned self. Alternatively, give up tanning. Being a Pale Gail is much more preferable.

6. Drunk lipstick application


We all know the situation. It’s a Saturday night, you’ve got a fierce dress on, you’re sipping on gin and juice Lambrini and life is generally brill. You slip off to the water closet to reapply your lipstick and after smearing some on, you stroll back into the club like you’re fluent in Swaghili. Unfortunately, you now look like a clown. And you don’t notice until you get tagged in pics the next morning.

How to avoid: Don’t wear lipstick when drinking. Ever. Lipgloss all the way, suckas.

7. Flapping fake eyelashes


See above. Instead of clown face, it’s the flappy eyelash scenario. If you want to look like a wonky faced fool or, god forbid, you look like you’re winking at miscellaneous strangers, then the flappy lash isn’t too much of an issue. However, it is an issue if you do mind.

How to avoid: Use lots and lots of glue. Bring glue out with you. If in doubt, rip your lashes off and roam eyelash free. It’s better than winking at people inadvertently.

8. Fringe separation


This one goes out to my fringed homegirls. Claire and I have both had full on fringes during our time on earth, and we can both tell you that they are the biggest faff known to man. If it’s not too long growing into your eyeballs it’s separating so you look like Peter Andre, Ben from A1 and Kim Jong Un all rolled into one. And I can tell you this my friends, this is not a look you want to be channelling. The 90s are not quite that back yet.

How to avoid: Hairspray your fringe. It doesn’t matter if you look like a Lego man. Just do it.

9. Dress stuck into pants


Another one of life’s classic woes. After nipping to the piddly diddly department, you accidentally get your dress/skirt stuck into your knickers. It is potentially one of the most embarrassing things to happen to us girls, and you have to hope you have a nice friend who will point out your bottom is on show. Alternatively, they will just laugh at you until you finally realise that you have been flashing everyone for approximately half an hour. It just depends what kind of mates you have.

How to avoid: Wear trousers. Or don’t wear pants, but if you go for the second option, you better hope there is no gusts of wind. Because you might get arrested.

10. Smudging nail varnish


Waiting for nails to dry or dipping into a bag of Doritos and hoping for the best…? I know which one I would chose (yes, obvs the Doritos). This is definitely another one of life’s woes, and I don’t really know why they haven’t created instant drying nail varnish for £1 yet. I will never wait long enough for my nails to dry and will always regret that I bothered to paint my nails at all. C’est tragique. Tres tres tragique. What is the point in life?

How to avoid: Be patient and actually wait for your nails to dry. Alternatively, glue on false nails. MUCH easier than the trauma of smudged nails.

SO ladies – agree, disagree? Let me know in the comments below!

And of course, this is completely meant to be a light hearted blog post, but if you are a fellow woman who is struggling with any form of terrible thing – here is a list of help lines and here is another that you might find useful :).

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5 Things People Are Too Enthusiastic About


While I don’t want to be too much of a Negative Nancy, there are few things in the world that annoy me more than too much enthusiasm (one being brown tshirts). Too much enthusiasm is not cool. Do you want people to think you are a raging lunatic that gets excited about nothing? No. I didn’t think so. That’s why I have created this handy list of things people are too enthusiastic about. In an ideal world, we would all sit down with a nice cup of tea and complain about the weather and how kids these days are all mad (have you SEEN the length of school skirts these days? I’m horrified by the underage vajajay on show).

Saying that, there are a few things that we are allowed to be excited about (I’m not a monster). These include:

  • The miracle and wonderment that is childbirth.
  • Buying new lipstick.
  • A new outfit.
  • Lord of the Rings.
  • Chinese takeaways.

Apart from these, we should all be keeping our upper lips stiff and maintaining a face of absolute calm. That means there will be no putting your hands up for Detroit or any other city for that matter, and certainly no waving them around like you just don’t care (you should care). Without further ado, please stop being excited about:


Yes, holidays are nice but lets be honest, they’re not something to get your knickers in a twist about. For a week or two of our lives we might be in the sun, we might have a super cool time drinking Pina Coladas and we might (if we can be arsed) see a few sights. But then, we have to come home and carry on with our boring lives in rubbish weather drinking whatever we can get our hands on to dull the loneliness (…too much?). The best thing about holidays is that we don’t have to do the things have to do for a week and it might be a bit hotter. Pleasant, I will grant you that. We might even meet some excellent people, but once we’re back in Merry England those excellent people will drift away. Just like your special memories of Zante or god forbid, Kavos.

Now I’m not saying you can’t be a little bit excited about your holiday. But please, for everyone’s sanity, don’t upload a screenshot of your holiday countdown. Don’t go on about how there are 8932 hours left until you can get your bikini on. And for the love of the Queen and all that is holy, do not under any circumstances get a “funny” tshirt printed (unless it’s ironic, obvs). And when you are actually on holiday, stop uploading pictures of your partially tanned legs on a sunbed. You look weird.



Again, relationships are perfectly fine. I, myself, am in one that is ticking along quite nicely. But there is a difference between having a good relationship and shoving that relationship down everyone’s throat. A general rule of thumb is to pretend that your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t exist until someone asks you about it. Harsh? Not really. This may just be me, but I really don’t care about a stranger’s relationship. The ones that I do care about, I will take the time to ask about.

So, don’t go on about how much you love “your man” or “the boy” 500 times a day on Twitter. Don’t upload horrible pictures of you two snogging, or doing anything for that matter. PDA extends to the internet, my friends, and it alarms me to see people I thought were harmless looking like they have suddenly grown a siamese twin from their lips.

I also think there is no need to show off about your relationship. You never know who you might have on Facebook or Twitter, but you definitely probably have some single mates or ones that have recently broken up with the troll in their life. You don’t want to add to their distress by uploading a picture of your new Primark handbag that “omgggg the boy just bought me this, what a sweetie lol lol lol love you, you are the best blah blah blah bore off”. This goes for flowers, pictures of romantic ridiculous country walks and/or anything that could remotely look like bragging. Bragging is not cool.


Nights Out

Like any self-respecting half Brit, I enjoy a night out. Dancing around like a lunatic and sipping on cheap alcohol isn’t too horrible and a pleasant enough way of spending my Saturday night. What it is not however, is the best night of my life ever. Take a minute to think about what a night out really is. It is a bunch of people, often with miscellaneous bits of plastic stuck to their faces and/or hands, drinking a substance that makes them forget what they’re doing and/or fall over. Then they start moving like they’re having a mini-stroke and potentially start to molest strangers. Then, they stuff their faces with cheesy foods and feel absolutely horrible the next day. Something to get too enthusiastic about? No.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out. Going out is great. But posting Facebook statuses about how it is going to be the best night ever and listening to songs like ‘I Gotta Feelin’ is just not ok. Quiet ambivalence is the way forward, and concentrating on just actually having a good night is probably a better use of your time.


Your Friends

Now you go too far, you ginger loon. But as I always say, NOT FAR ENOUGH. I like my friends a lot, they are wonderful people and they make me very happy and jolly. I’m sure that people who know them think that too. Which is why there is no need for me to go on and on about how great they are to everyone. It’s fine every now and then, but really…every single day? It’s annoying. You can’t like people that much. And as far as screen shotting “hilarious” conversations you’ve had with your pals, let’s avoid that.


Festivals and Gigs

Once again, festivals and gigs are something that I enjoy enormously. I even have a tattoo representing my love for Glastonbury. But similar to the ‘nights out’ section, they’re not going to be the best thing you ever do ever. They’re mega fun and you will have an excellent time. But going on about it more than necessary and counting down to your summer fezzie every day on social media makes me want to cry. Cuff me.


Over enthusiasm is just upsetting. I’m not knocking getting excited about things and enjoying them, but there is definitely a limit to how much you should go on about it. Go forth and enjoy life, just don’t bang on about it to the point where the majority of the population want to biff you. We are British for goodness sake, if we can’t be underwhelmed…what can we be?


How To Do Valentine’s Day When You Find It Horribly Awkward

It’s that time of year again, I’m afraid. The time when the population is divided into two very different groups.

  1. The Singles: Usually stereotyped as hiding under their duvets on Valentine’s Day munching on a tub of Cookie Dough and swigging Absolut straight from the bottle. They can usually be identified by the stench of loneliness and permanently damp hair (from crying themselves to sleep every night, of course).
  2. The Couples: Ridiculously happy and often found wearing heart shaped/red-hued clothing on 14th Feb. These can be identified as the people who selfishly book restaurant tables well in advance and insist on causing nation-wide nausea with too much PDA.

But let’s all be honest. Most of us don’t fit into either of these groups. If you’re single, Valentine’s Day is just another day of chilling with a cup of tea and watching a bit of Toddlers and Tiaras. It’s not tragic, it just means you don’t have to bother about making lasagne for anyone else but yourself. If you’re in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is nice enough too. Going out for dinner is always a pleasant experience and there is usually some kind of Valentine’s Day discount on the go too – win-win by all accounts AM I RIGHT? I’ve not met many people that actually say “Oh yes, buying my boyfriend/girlfriend a load of stupid presents just after Christmas is exactly what I want to do”.

Don’t even get me started on Valentine’s Day presents. My ex-boyfriend bought me a teddy bear that said ‘I love you’ before he had actually even said it himself. I may as well have gone out with the bear, maybe the relationship would have gone better. What on earth am I supposed to do with a teddy bear? I’m not five years old. I’m not displaying that in my bedroom, it’s embarrassing. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Valentine’s Day and I’m not averse to buying the fellow in my life a few presents. But all of this heart nonsense and ridiculous cards that have horrible cringey poems on them need to be gone.

So, annnyyyywayyy how can you do Valentine’s Day when you find it terribly awkward?

Do buy cards that don’t make you want to die.

Relationships are complicated. Whether you’ve been married for years, going out with someone for a while or have just started dating, one card that says “I will love you until the end of time, my life, my love, my Valentine” is guaranteed to make your significant other want to throw up. It makes me want to throw up right now and we’re nowhere near V Day. If you’re looking for a card that’s less awkward and less horrible, think about investing in something a little more true to life.


Do buy presents that aren’t ridiculous.

A heart shaped pillow, a teddy bear, chocolate, flowers. Just no. Why do you insist on trivialising our relationship with useless rubbish that I will never use, will make me fat and/or will die a week after I received them.

The most useful presents I have ever been given for Valentine’s Day were a camera and a pair of Kurt Geiger heels. What more could a girl want? I used that camera for years and I still wear my Geigers. That tragic teddy bear went in the bin pretty much as soon as I got it. Call me cruel, but that is just the way it is. Here are some sensible Valentine’s Day presents, both for him and for her.


Don’t make heart shaped brownies.

This extends to any sort of food, but especially desserts. I’m just going to eat it and I would rather you showed your love for me through fixing my laptop. Or at the very least saying, “you have fantastic hair”.

foodDo go on a normal date.

If you usually sit about and watch TV (and enjoy it too), then why is it suddenly normal to go to a stuffy fine dining restaurant on Valentine’s Day? Or even worse, go something activity based like mini golf or bowling. If you like that sort of thing, then that’s fine. But don’t feel like you have to do something “romantic” just because it’s Valentine’s Day. Having a nice dinner at home can be romantic. And going to the cinema can be romantic too (especially since you don’t have to talk for a couple of hours). Valentine’s Day is hugely less awkward if you don’t put any pressure on it. HUGELY.


My main ‘lets make Valentine’s Day less awkward and horrible’ tip is to be yourself in every way, shape or form. There’s no need to turn into some mental tragedy because you’re single. Equally, there’s no need to drown yourself in rose petals and hearts. Let’s all just be normal human beings. Without the pink glitter.



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Five Things We Learned from Myspace

Apparently Myspace is still relevant to some people, but lets be honest. The last time most of us logged in was when we were 15 year old nuisances, with impractically large fringes. Those were the days, eh? I remember rushing home from whatever social activity I had on (usually down the park on a Friday night, pretending to sip Copacobana), to comment on my friends’ profiles being like “yooooo, such a gr8 time down the park lol. so drunk hehehehe lmao” (for those of you born after 1997, Myspace was basically Facebook but a less good version)

While pretty much no one in the history of anyone uses Myspace anymore, most of us have fond and sometimes alarming memories of adding strangers as friends and hoping that one day (ONE DAY), we might have over 2000 friends. Myspace played a big and integral role in our lives. Some might even say Myspace was that third parent we always never wished we had. I, for one, think that Myspace taught us a lot. From decision making skills (what profile song to choose?!) to basic social skills (because nothing says social like sitting in your room on your computer, am I right?!), we have a lot to thank Myspace for.

1. Basic HTML Skills:

Nothing said super cool and not even remotely loser-like than a customised Myspace page. I remember hiding my entire profile to nothing but “Lauren. Harry Potter is great” and a link to my profile picture/comments. Zut alors. If you weren’t quite that adventurous mad, you probably learned how to put in links, change the colour of your font and other exciting and necessary skills. While I’m slightly laughing about this, I do have to say that I use basic HTML in my day-to-day job that I wouldn’t have known about without the help of Myspace. So, thank you Myspace for helping me learn HTML.


2. How To Take Selfies:

While things did get a bit out of hand with Myspace selfies (taking a picture with nothing but the top of your head showing was not ok), they did teach us valuable lessons that we can now transfer to Instagram. Thanks to Myspace, I now know that I have a wonky face and look better with my face tilted to the side. I also know that my nose starts to poke out the later it gets in the day, so it’s better to take face pics in the morning. In the blogging world, taking selfies is a part of everyday life – and where would we all be without that valuable camera experience? So, thanks Myspace for teaching us how to take pictures of ourselves. You’re the best. Although of course, you can’t look at the camera. Don’t be ridiculous. And yes, that is me.


3. Your Number of Friends Counts:

People keep banging on about “quality over quantity” but I have news for you. People are wrong. If you hopped onto Facebook and got a friend request with someone who has ten friends, you would automatically think “what a socially inept donkey, there is no way in Middle Earth that I’m accepting you”. The same goes for Twitter followers. But do you know who helped us come to this way of thinking? Myspace. I spent my Myspace time adding people I had met once (or not even once) so that everyone thought I was banging and super awesome. The reality was, I had around 6 close friends and probably got myself into a lot of stranger danger. But still, numbers count and we can thank Myspace for that.


4. Punishing Your Mates is Fun:

These days, if one of your pals has irritated you, you might decide to not favourite their tweets for a while. If they’ve done something really horrifying, you might even create a “Claire is a massive troll” page on Facebook and share it with all of her mates. Back in the Myspace days, punishing your friends was a lot easier. Do you remember the coveted “Top 8 Friends” spot? Ordering that bad boy was hard work. You obviously didn’t want to offend your bezzies, but you often had to include miscellaneous cousins so they wouldn’t bully you too much over Christmas. If someone had royally irritated you (i.e. forgotten to invite you to go bowling or someone robbed your Geoggers homework) in the Myspace days, all you had to do was put them at number 8. Or even take them out altogether (SHOCK. HORROR.). Burn.


5. Quizzes Are Fun:

When was the last time you filled in a ‘How Well Do You Know Me’ or ‘What Animal Are You?’ quiz? About 5 years ago? How unbelievably sad do you feel about that? There’s nothing more fun than filling in a quiz about yourself or your bestie and knowing that all of your Myspace friends will now know that you have green eyes and your favourite band is the All American Rejects. There simply aren’t enough quizzes around these days, especially after Facebook took off their survey function and Ask FM became the worst thing to happen to bullying since Azaelia Banks was born.


So…lets all put our hands together and say thank you Myspace, for making us the people are are today. Since the good years, Myspace has gone through a load of redesigns and I have to say that the new Myspace looks quite cool but there is very little chance that I’ll be reliving my teenage years of “pc4pc?”


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Life Tips from Miley Cyrus

Good morning to you, her maj and this fine country we call the Kingdom of Great Britain.

You may have read a post I wrote a while ago entitled ‘Life Tips from Amanda Bynes‘. I felt (and continue to feel deeply) that we can learn a lot from Amanda and by following her lead, we can achieve fulfilled (if slightly set-yourself-on-firey) lives. Unfortunately my life coach and all round favourite top gal has now been sectioned, so I have been forced to find a new leading lady to learn from. And who else but Miley Cyrus to fill the horrible Amanda shaped void in my life?

I’m sure we can all say that Miley is a girl that has had a huge impact in all of our lives. Just yesterday I found myself asking a friend, ‘do you remember where you were when you first heard ‘Party in the USA’? To which they said, ‘no, you are a fool. Go and buy me some crisps’. Nevertheless, Miley’s botty got it’s own hashtag after the VMAs and I firmly believe that she is the reason pretty much everyone knows what ‘twerk’ means these days. But what else can we learn from our Miley?

Have love for the ugly things.

Miley has shown us that judging a book by its cover is wrong. We need to remember to show love for the uglier or less attractive things, just like she did in her ‘Wrecking Ball’ video. Who knows for how many years that wrecking ball was waiting for a naked hug? Who knows how many nights it spent crying because nobody loved it? Treat everything like you would like to be treated yourself and you are guaranteed to be happy in life. In fact, go a step further and whip your clothes off to hug people and/or things. Studies have shown that naked hugs are far more beneficial than ordinary clothed hugs. If there are no wrecking balls handy, just take a look around your town. There are bound to be many found objects that you could show love to – perhaps an old plant pot or a neglected bench.



ay_118297197(Giraffes aren’t ugly FYI, this is just funny)

Short hair, don’t care.

I have to say, I’ve never personally been a fan of short hair. I have quite a round face and short hair would make me look vaguely like a potato in a David Bowie wig. I’ve also always felt that short hair is a bit boring – there is very little you can actually do with a cropped ‘do. HOW WRONG I WAS. Thank goodness I have Miley to show me the way. I think what she has really shown me is that all you need are a few tiny bobbles and a lot of hairspray to look like a twit hot homegirl with short hair. She is such a trend setter <3. I’m attacking my head with scissors as we speak, so keep your eyes peeled for my ‘DIY Miley Haircut’ post.




People will take you seriously if you talk rubbish.

I’m going to put my hands up in honesty right here and right now. At first, I thought Miley was a rat in Doc Martens. But as time has progressed, I feel like I’ve really got to know the real Miley. And let me tell you, she is deep and thoroughly intelligent. Did any of you guys read her interview about the ‘Wrecking Ball’ vid? You can read it here, but she basically said this:

‘If you look in my eyes I look more sad than actually my voice sounds on the record. It was a lot harder to do the video than it was to even record the song. It was much more of an emotional experience.”

‘If people can take their minds off the obvious and go into their imagination a little bit and see kind of what the video really means and the way that it is so vulnerable.’

Wow. I mean genuinely wow. I really get what she means…’Wrecking Ball’ is not only art but it is such a wonderful expression of attention seeking vulnerability and emotion. This is definitely a life lesson to be learned. If you waffle on about things that don’t really make sense but sound impressive, people will 100% believe in what you say. It’s one that can easily be transferred into your daily working life, especially when you use fancy employment terms that no one really knows what they mean (e.g. “ah yes, let’s get those kpis actioned by close of play tomorrow so we can determine usps, logistics and WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”).



These are just a few life lessons to be learned from Miley. In fact, we could all probably learn many more (like how thigh high boots and hotpants are a classy daytime look or how nude underwear doesn’t make you look about 80 years old), but we will leave it at that for now.

Let’s all remember though…when in doubt, ask What Would Miley Do (WWMD). If it doesn’t involve foam fingers, sticking your tongue out, twerking or getting nakey, then you are probably doing the wrong thing.


All images sourced from Google!

Sexting: Is it really that bad?

I have two main hatreds in life: brown t-shirts and cheating boyfriends/girlfriends. As I have grown wise and old in my old age, I have noticed that more and more people in relationships are ending up in the tragic pool of being cheated on. This month’s Cosmo told me that 47% of men have cheated on their girlfriends, which is quite shocking really – IT’S PRACTICALLY HALF. But what about the murky waters of sexting*? For those of us who have been victims of stupid boys with equally stupid technology, there are always the doubts of ‘…well he didn’t physically do anything’ and ‘maybe it was only harmless’.

Well, I am here to put my foot down with a firm hand and say it most certainly is not harmless. Sexting might be new territory (though I firmly believe that some Victorian sleezes probably quilled dirty letters to scullery maids behind their wives’ backs) but at the end of the day, it can be just as hurtful.

Why do people sext in the first place?

I have thought long and hard about this one and have come up with a few reasons why boys (or girls, no sexism here!) feel the need to message other people while they are in a relationship.

  1. For an ego boost: There’s nothing like a bit of attention from someone you find vaguely attractive to make you feel good about yourself. In theory, the person you’re in a relationship should be there to make you feel good. But for some people, that’s not enough. For some bizarre reason, being told that you are sexy by random boys or girls is a better way to boost your ego than by your girlfriend/boyfriend who loves you. It is a strange world we live in.
  2. To sow the wild oats: This applies to boys mostly, but I think there is some subconscious evolutionary trigger in guys that make them want to make sure that they have lots of offspring. Whatever natural urges you have, laddies, remember: we are not animals. We have thumbs and the capability to learn the words to every Lady Gaga song ever made. Keep your wild oats for your woman only.
  3. Because we can: Technology is great and I love Twitter with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. But it can be our own worst enemy too. Let’s be honest, physically cheating on someone is so much effort these days. You have to actually go out of the house, find somewhere to do the dirty deed AND get rid of the smell of unfamiliar perfume. Snore. Why bother when you can just hop on Facebook or iMessage and get rid of the evidence with a single click?
  4. Out of boredom: This is one that is not very nice to accept…a relationship might just be on its last legs and that can drive people to stray. It’s not a valid excuse in the slightest and it’s still a cowardly thing to do, but it can be a knee-jerk response if things aren’t going well relationship-wise.
  5. They are knobs with no knobs: Some people are just not very nice.

Is sexting really that bad?

My immediate response would usually be ‘yes, with bells on’ but it’s a bit more complicated than that I reckon. It’s easier to forgive a naughty message or text and easier to convince yourself that your significant other only has eyes for you really. But in my mind, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is looking/thinking/describing (ugh, get a grip) sleeping with somebody else, it’s a bit irrelevant if they actually do it or not.

  1. It will turn you into a crazy person: No one wants to be the girl that has to dictate who her boyfriend sees or what he does. But at the end of the day, if he can’t be trusted to behave like a normal human being then it is his own fault if his girlfriend becomes a crazy paranoid stalker.
  2. You will feel like crap: Nothing dents your self confidence like a boyfriend/girlfriend who has to find gratification through a phone or a laptop.
  3. It’s a slippery slope: Whatever your boyf or girlf says, people who sext behind their partner’s back are definitely more likely to cheat physically.
  4. It’s disrespectful: Relationships are about being bothered about the person you are with. If you are willing to risk hurting the person you should in theory care most about, then away with you. There is no place for you here.

What to do if your boyfriend/girlfriend is sexting.

Well, it’s really up to you. I’m a believer that you shouldn’t let what other people think influence your decisions too much. If you’re not bothered about it, then that’s fine. But if you are, have a long and hard think about whether it’s worth staying with him/her. It goes without saying that things are going to be MEGA different if you do, and you’ll have to work at things to make sure it’s all ok.

But also don’t worry about saving face – who cares if a few people think you are an idiot for staying with your sexting boyf or girlf? Second chances are worth it. BUT third chances are not. If they carry on being useless, then no matter how brilliant they are in other ways, they are the dregs of society and don’t deserve you.

And thus concludes my two cents on the matter. It’s always worth remembering that no matter how great a person can seem, if they’re treating you badly, then they shouldn’t have a place in your life. While it seems that every person ever treats sexting as an ok activity these days, there are certainly people out there who won’t tell a random strangers that they want to have sexual relations with them.

* I’ve used the word sexting, but this post isn’t just focused on whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has sent explicit messages. I think any sort of message that’s flirty or has sexual undertones OR is to someone they have no need to message (i.e. a random gal on Facebook at 4am) is definitely not ok. NOT OK GUYS.

Body Image and Self Esteem: what is UP with girl on girl hate?

Hey gals!

Today, I’m doing a slightly different post to our usual fashion and beauty blogging; I’m planning on having a little rant and ponder. It’s not something that Claire and I usually get involved in (unless it’s when we argue about whether she likes metallic nail varnish or not…) but this is something I feel is close to my bosom and something that I feel must roam free.

So, body image, body confidence and self esteem…

I’m pretty sure ALL of us have had fat days and days where nothing seems to go right in the hair and makeup department. There are definitely days when I think ‘UGH, why does everything in my wardrobe make me look like an escaped circus elephant’. Sometimes it lasts just a day but I know there are lots of girls that suffer from long term low self esteem. I’m definitely not out to belittle that at all in this post – whether your body or self confidence issues are caused by pressure from the media, an abusive relationship or something equally as serious, low self esteem can be crippling and it’s not something to take lightly.

What I am out to have a little rant about is girls attacking each other for the way they look. Recently, a friend of mine said something along the lines of ‘I am SICK of seeing skinny girls, they piss me off’. At the time I didn’t say anything but it really got me thinking – why is it ok for us to hate someone for the way that they look just because we’re unhappy with the way that we look? I really don’t think that kind of attitude is helpful to anyone, especially not ourselves. Nobody likes a bitter person and putting other people down for the way they look is not going to make you feel ANY better about yourself in the long run.

What I’ve noticed a lot recently is hate towards slim girls especially. There’s the whole ‘real women have curves’ thing which is just silly; slim girls are not lesser people because they’re skinnier! And on the flip side, if you feel unhappy about your weight or are a bit overweight, it doesn’t make you less of a person either. It’s all about the way you present yourself and to be honest, weight or your looks don’t really come into it that much. People respond positively to a girl who is friendly, outgoing and just generally nice. Even the most beautiful person can have no mates if she treats people like shit (pardon)

Nobody is paying THAT much attention to you…

I’m a size 12 and the grand height of 5ft, so I am definitely not the slimmest gal in the erm…pot of girls?! I used to feel quite self conscious about what I looked like and for a long time, I refused to even go out anywhere with bare legs (it made for very hot summers, I assure you). I used to get massively green with envy on holiday when I saw girls with perfectly toned bikini bodies but at the end of the day I had to realise…no one cares about me that much. By which I mean, while I’m sat there on my sun lounger thinking everyone is staring at my pasty flab, everyone else is far more interested in their daiquiris and whether or not they remembered to put sun cream on their backs.

Do what makes you feel happy…

I’m a firm believer that self confidence comes from within. Remembering that you have friends who like you for you is a big part of this – they obviously like you for a reason so why shouldn’t you like you for a reason too? There’s nothing wrong with looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking ‘well, I have quite nice eyes and my hair is actually quite great’. It’s not about having an ego, it’s just about building yourself up a bit!

Saying that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things to your appearance to make you feel comfortable and happy. Having good self esteem doesn’t mean you have to skip around in an anorak with unbrushed hair and no makeup (but if you want to do that, then go right ahead). If clipping in some hair extensions, slathering your face in makeup and wearing a pair of heels makes you feel confident, then you should just do it. I’ve had some people judge me in the past for the amount of makeup I wear or because I wear fake tan but to them I say WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHAT I CAN AND CAN’T DO. I like the way I look with makeup and tan; it doesn’t mean I’m hiding behind a mask of St Moriz and Rimmel – it’s just what makes me feel comfortable.

I also think that if you truly are unhappy with the way you look, then do something about it. Just going to the gym regularly and eating a bit more fruit and veg can do wonders for how you look and feel. Cake is brilliant and I will always happily destroy a tub of ice cream, but nothing gives you a boost like feeling healthy. 🙂

Us gals have got to stick together…

We have GOT to stop being bitchy to each other about the way we look. At the risk of sounding like a hippy, we should all spread the love a bit more. That’s something I love about blogging especially, us bloggers are quick to let each other know if an outfit looks great or if someone is looking spiffing. That’s something I wish happened in real life a bit more. These days, instead of being envious of a girl, I try and think ‘wow, she’s got a great figure. Fair play to her, inspiration’. Let’s face it, we have to deal with so much on a daily basis – lets not fight each other too!


Fashion and Beauty Tips We Can Take From Game of Thrones.

So, Claire and I have a bit of a confession to make. While we are big believers in Fake Tan Thursdays (gotta get ready for the weekend, y’all) and spend far too much of our lives discussing what lipstick to wear, we are secret geeks. I’m an unashamed Lord of the Rings fanatic and Claire has been known to read some George Martin on the commute home from work. Both of us, much like the rest of the world, also like to sit down with a cup of tea and watch a bit of Game of Thrones. Our Thrones evenings are productively spent with me shutting my eyes during the scary bits (go home, white walkers, you are drunk) and wondering when Jon Snow is going to take his top off.

However, we have also noticed that Thrones is actually very informative about life in general. Where else would you learn not to judge a book by it’s cover (we’re looking at you, Khal Drogo, may you rest in peace) and that being an independent woman who owns dragons is ok? With this in mind, we’ve also realised that Thrones can give us some essential fashion and beauty tips to take away from Westeros and apply to our everyday lives.

Whatever anyone says, maxi dresses will never go out of style:

Maxi dresses are pretty much a wardrobe staple these days. They’re on-trend and delightfully ladylike (because nothing quite says ‘I am a lady’ than flashing your ankle at attractive men and wondering if they will be your boyfriends). However, I feel like the simple maxi dress has not been getting the attention it deserves recently. With the rise of the midi dress/skirt, fashionable women everywhere have been wondering whether the time of the maxi dress has ended and if their summer staple has been replaced.

Thankfully, Fashionable Women, Game of Thrones has reminded us that maxi dresses are freakin’ sweet. Whether it’s Daenerys in her (quite frankly) stunning chiffon numbers or Margery in her saucy cut away dresses, we’re reminded that there is literally nothing better than a casual maxi to make life infinitely better.

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Putting some effort into your hair makes a world of difference:

Has anyone noticed that pretty much all of the gals at Kings Landing have great hair? No wonder it’s the place everyone wants to be (though I’m not sure that Stannis has the capability for great hair). My general theory is that if you put effort into your hair, the rest will follow. So, take some tips from the girls from Thrones and get some extensions, shine spray and a nice pair of curling irons. Unless you are beyond the Wall. Then you have other things to think about and brushing your hair can take a back seat (don’t worry, Gilly, no judgement).

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Blonde is not always better:

Claire will probably cut me in my sleep for this, but Game of Thrones has definitely taught us that blonde is not necessarily better and they certainly don’t always have more fun. While Daenerys is pretty much the epitome of perfect and her hair cannot be faulted in any way, the other blonde characters leave something to be desired. Cersei in particular has many faults, namely having intimate relations with her brother and being nasty to pretty much everyone. We don’t even need to start on Joffrey, he is just a twisted young fellow who doesn’t give blondes a good name at all.

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Ultimately, the hair colour tips we can take from Thrones is that being ginger is great and will get you many a fine young man (or just one. Named Jon). Having brown hair isn’t too bad either, but what we all should be aiming for is silver.

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Dragons are a great fashion accessory:

Putting the right accessories to an outfit is one of life’s most difficult problems for women. The number of times I’ve had to ask Claire if my giant gold earrings, chunky gold chain and knuckle-duster are too much have been too many (apparently they were too much, who knew). Our pals at Game of Thrones have come up with a brilliant solution. Dragons.

If, like Daenerys, you have accidentally misplaced your clothes in a bonfire, simply perch a few dragons on your shoulder to complete the look. If you’re taking a cruise and are unsure what accessories are ship appropriate, having some dragons nearby will make your outfit truly stand out. Daenerys always looks great and our theory is that it is because she accessorises carefully with her fire-breathing friends. Great style work, HBO!

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Dressing appropriately for the weather is a good idea:

Here in Britain, we are constantly plagued by weather that can’t make up its mind. It may officially be summer, but I’m finding myself having to dig out my winter coats to fight the sob-worthy chill. It may be tempting to shout ‘I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE’ and don a crop top and a mini skirt, but Game of Thrones says otherwise. At Kings Landing, the girls get away with skimpier clothes (shoulders, ooo-er) and rightly so because it’s hot. But beyond the Wall, our favourite fashionista Ygritte wears some pretty interesting puffa jackets. While these might look slightly hideous, she is most definitely avoiding frostbite. So ladies, the moral of the story is to put on a coat if it is cold, even if you’re going out and claim that you have your tequila jacket on. Because if winter is coming, then tequila jackets won’t be very much use against our white walker pals, will they?!

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