While I don’t want to be too much of a Negative Nancy, there are few things in the world that annoy me more than too much enthusiasm (one being brown tshirts). Too much enthusiasm is not cool. Do you want people to think you are a raging lunatic that gets excited about nothing? No. I didn’t think so. That’s why I have created this handy list of things people are too enthusiastic about. In an ideal world, we would all sit down with a nice cup of tea and complain about the weather and how kids these days are all mad (have you SEEN the length of school skirts these days? I’m horrified by the underage vajajay on show).
Saying that, there are a few things that we are allowed to be excited about (I’m not a monster). These include:
- The miracle and wonderment that is childbirth.
- Buying new lipstick.
- A new outfit.
- Lord of the Rings.
- Chinese takeaways.
Apart from these, we should all be keeping our upper lips stiff and maintaining a face of absolute calm. That means there will be no putting your hands up for Detroit or any other city for that matter, and certainly no waving them around like you just don’t care (you should care). Without further ado, please stop being excited about:
Yes, holidays are nice but lets be honest, they’re not something to get your knickers in a twist about. For a week or two of our lives we might be in the sun, we might have a super cool time drinking Pina Coladas and we might (if we can be arsed) see a few sights. But then, we have to come home and carry on with our boring lives in rubbish weather drinking whatever we can get our hands on to dull the loneliness (…too much?). The best thing about holidays is that we don’t have to do the things have to do for a week and it might be a bit hotter. Pleasant, I will grant you that. We might even meet some excellent people, but once we’re back in Merry England those excellent people will drift away. Just like your special memories of Zante or god forbid, Kavos.
Now I’m not saying you can’t be a little bit excited about your holiday. But please, for everyone’s sanity, don’t upload a screenshot of your holiday countdown. Don’t go on about how there are 8932 hours left until you can get your bikini on. And for the love of the Queen and all that is holy, do not under any circumstances get a “funny” tshirt printed (unless it’s ironic, obvs). And when you are actually on holiday, stop uploading pictures of your partially tanned legs on a sunbed. You look weird.
Again, relationships are perfectly fine. I, myself, am in one that is ticking along quite nicely. But there is a difference between having a good relationship and shoving that relationship down everyone’s throat. A general rule of thumb is to pretend that your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t exist until someone asks you about it. Harsh? Not really. This may just be me, but I really don’t care about a stranger’s relationship. The ones that I do care about, I will take the time to ask about.
So, don’t go on about how much you love “your man” or “the boy” 500 times a day on Twitter. Don’t upload horrible pictures of you two snogging, or doing anything for that matter. PDA extends to the internet, my friends, and it alarms me to see people I thought were harmless looking like they have suddenly grown a siamese twin from their lips.
I also think there is no need to show off about your relationship. You never know who you might have on Facebook or Twitter, but you definitely probably have some single mates or ones that have recently broken up with the troll in their life. You don’t want to add to their distress by uploading a picture of your new Primark handbag that “omgggg the boy just bought me this, what a sweetie lol lol lol love you, you are the best blah blah blah bore off”. This goes for flowers, pictures of
romantic ridiculous country walks and/or anything that could remotely look like bragging. Bragging is not cool.
Like any self-respecting half Brit, I enjoy a night out. Dancing around like a lunatic and sipping on cheap alcohol isn’t too horrible and a pleasant enough way of spending my Saturday night. What it is not however, is the best night of my life ever. Take a minute to think about what a night out really is. It is a bunch of people, often with miscellaneous bits of plastic stuck to their faces and/or hands, drinking a substance that makes them forget what they’re doing and/or fall over. Then they start moving like they’re having a mini-stroke and potentially start to molest strangers. Then, they stuff their faces with cheesy foods and feel absolutely horrible the next day. Something to get too enthusiastic about? No.
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out. Going out is great. But posting Facebook statuses about how it is going to be the best night ever and listening to songs like ‘I Gotta Feelin’ is just not ok. Quiet ambivalence is the way forward, and concentrating on just actually having a good night is probably a better use of your time.
Now you go too far, you ginger loon. But as I always say, NOT FAR ENOUGH. I like my friends a lot, they are wonderful people and they make me very happy and jolly. I’m sure that people who know them think that too. Which is why there is no need for me to go on and on about how great they are to everyone. It’s fine every now and then, but really…every single day? It’s annoying. You can’t like people that much. And as far as screen shotting “hilarious” conversations you’ve had with your pals, let’s avoid that.
Festivals and Gigs
Once again, festivals and gigs are something that I enjoy enormously. I even have a tattoo representing my love for Glastonbury. But similar to the ‘nights out’ section, they’re not going to be the best thing you ever do ever. They’re mega fun and you will have an excellent time. But going on about it more than necessary and counting down to your summer fezzie every day on social media makes me want to cry. Cuff me.
Over enthusiasm is just upsetting. I’m not knocking getting excited about things and enjoying them, but there is definitely a limit to how much you should go on about it. Go forth and enjoy life, just don’t bang on about it to the point where the majority of the population want to biff you. We are British for goodness sake, if we can’t be underwhelmed…what can we be?